The Ikea Nightmare

I went to Ikea for the first time the other day. It was awful.

The store is a monstrosity, towering over the other buildings in the Philadelphia docks area. The entire store is painted blue and yellow, very simple and full. The words IKEA in all capital letters marks the place with a kind of cold certitude. The most unsettling thing is the collection of flags waving outside of the store’s entrance. It’s as if the store is so culturally important that it needs to mark it’s place with flags of the countries it’s associated with, like it’s the United Nations.

When you walk in, you are given a map. This map lays out the store into various areas and gives you a path to walk through them (along with “shortcuts” through various areas. You proceed upstairs to the “showroom” and walk through the various areas. I swear they try to set this place up like a themepark, like some kind of bizarre disney world for furniture. Each “land” is divided into the various rooms and setups you could arrange with their furniture. You don’t buy anything in this area, that comes later. There are various exhibits and demonstrations of rooms that you can look at and view as you take the predetermined path on you map. This is not unlike an attraction at a themepark.

There are various places to eat throughout the store, also like a theme park. The store has constructed itself so you can spend the day in it’s store without leaving, all of your needs are met. This makes the Ikea shopping an EXPERIENCE, a FUN thing that no one should miss! Consumerism at it’s finest. 

At the end of the tour is a warehouse. This is where the actual buying takes place, not unlike a gift shop at the end of a themepark ride. If you find a piece of furniture you like in the showroom area, you write down the number on the map they give you, then you find out where that piece of furniture is in the warehouse. Finally, you buy the furniture. Thus ends our ride…. Wasn’t that fun?

 

~ by Barky on August 14, 2012.

2 Responses to “The Ikea Nightmare”

  1. Maybe some will just go to IKEA for their honeymoon.

  2. I hear other people’s husbands don’t like Ikea either. Don’t worry, I won’t drag you to that house of horrors ever again :p

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